"Lost Survivor" National Release September 2006

31 days. The month of August. September national release of "Lost Survivor". You will be able to order book at any book store and most on-line book web sites. The excitement is building. It has been a long time coming. Started after I returned from Vietnam. the desire to share the true experience of surival in a combat zone. About what you have to give up to survive is what you need to live back home. The scar tissue never completely covers the wounds in your soul and it doesn't seem to heal. You carry the pain deep inside until it becomes one with you. The book is pubished. For some it has become a journey of healing, for others the ripping off of scar tissue laying open their wounds.

Old Veterans/Young Soldiers

This past weekend I went to a pig roast at a friend's house. He is a Vietnam veteran with Purple Heart and Silver Star. I consider him a brother. There was great food and lots of drinks. But what make it special was the mixture of old vetnam veterans and young National Guard soldiers. We old guys shared the experiences of survival with laughed and drinks. Rememberances of days past when we were young and crazy. Events only shared with someone who has been through it. Has walked the walk. The young men and women in the National Guard listen, mostly quietly, with a question here and there. A few didn't see how we (the old guys) lived through our war experiences, the constant killing, the constant dying, the unknown, the always present stress of survival. In many cases we didn't know how we did. The only thing for sure we knew was that some how we did.

Watching the young folks energy playing games, laughing at their own silliness gave a glow to my heart. reenforced the appreication of survivial, and like our parents realization its our kids who go to war.

Father's Day 2006

Father's day 2006, I'm up at 6 am as I am everyday. Coffee, looking outside my kitchen window at the birds begin their day. It rained yesterday, the gound is soft under the trees and robins peck at it looking for breakfast. It's a quiet time. I think about being a father and what that means to me, to my two daughters, and two sons. Life passed on from my father which I gave to them. Which they have passed on to my six grandkids. A good life? Sometimes. Most of the time struggle, hopes and prayers. A real life that gives cause to get up in the morning, have a day and look for tomorrows.

Cussing is an adjustment being home

I have had Vietnam veterans call me and share their experiences similar to some of the events in the book. A common event, which they would be laughing about, how they came home and would slip into Nam talk. It usually happens like this. You are back home and your family puts on a big dinner for you. Your mother, father, sister, brother and most of the time elderly family members and church folks like your minister are sitting around the table. Everyone is happy you're home. The food is good and plentiful. The conversation is mostly about you when you were younger and how good you were as a kid. You feel good. You ask someone to past the fucking butter. Conversation stops. The room get quiet. You look around and everyone is staring at you. It takes a few moments before you realize why. In Nam cussing was part of your normal conversation, but at home you didn't cuss, especially during dinner with guests.

The first editor I worked with on the "Lost Survivor" manuscript told me there was too much cussing in it. I laughed and asked her what words would she use when being shot at. She didn't have an answer.

When bullets fly over and around your head everyone cusses no matter how mannerable your speech when you were at home. The more times it happens, the more cuss words you use. When it is a daily event cussing becomes a normal expression of your everyday speech. In Nam you don't notice it since everyone around you is cussing. It is another adjustment coming home.

Sharing the fear

I spoke to an American Legion post meeting last week about my book "Lost Survivor" and my experiences that the book was based on. Writing a book that people will read by themselves is one thing, sharing the experiences, emotions and thoughts with a group is another thing. Standing in front of people opening your soul is truly being naked in a crowd. Showing your blemishs, your weaknesses, sharing your fears and admiting your flaws. In some ways it is frightening putting yourself back into the frame of mind that you had to have to survive. When the insanity of war was accepted as a normal day. Yet, looking back to those days and being able to share the fear helps me appreciate the difference of my life today. It helped heal some of the wounds that were cut into my soul.

Forever pain

I have had quite a few people ask me how much of the book "Lost Survivor" reflect my personal experiences. I have directly or indirectly experienced the activities in the book. The patrols are based on my experiences in Vietnam and the emotions and thoughts when I returned home. In fact, every time I have a conversation with a veteran or a family member of a veteran about their experiences during the Vietnam war, it forces me to feel the terror and fear again. It also helps my internal healing process remove the brutal and violent actions I did to survive from the darkness of my soul. Like all survivors of war, I did what I had to do to survive and come home.

Readers and non-readers

There are so many types of writing. Writing a novel is long distance writing, writing to blog is short quick steps. I have been writing to blog like a short story which is shorter than novel writing but much more than needed for blog writing. So, with the new year I will be working on writing to blog.

Novel writers love readers. With the "Lost Survivor" book I have had some interesting interaction with non-readers. People who say they don't read books. During one of my book signing a couple came from a town twenty miles away. They were old friends. He told me he didn't read books, just newspapers, but because his wife want the book he would try to read it. He called the next day after he had been up all night reading the book. Another couple bought the book at a book signing, he was not a book reader, she sent my wife an email that she was reading the book and making comments out loud. Her husband took the book and disappeared into the bathroom for most of the day. I guess it shows that writers can love non-readers that read their book.