October Media Activities

October has been filled with swirls of activities.

Friday the 6th I was an invited guest to the American Library Association Author's Luncheon at their annual conference at Navy Pier in Chicago.

Monday the 9th, the local tv station (Channel 20) in Springfield, Illinois did a special segment on "Lost Survivor". During the show I learned that one of the local anchors, Jerry Lambert had served in Vietnam.

Tuesday the 10th, I was a guest on the Sam Madiona-Radio Talk Show. A woman called in who had bought the book at the local Barnes and Noble book store. She raved about the book, talked about how it helped her understand what her love one had went through and recommended that everyone buy the book. It was great. I wanted her name to take her on tour.

Wednesday the 11th I was a guest on the Pam Furr radio talk show in Springfield. We were in the radio's downtown studio on 5th street. It is in a room with a large window facing the street. People would pass, wave, make faces and give thumbs up. Very interactive.

Saturday the 21st I was one of the 30 accomplished Illinois Authors at the Illinois Woman's Press Association Book Fair at the Chicago Cultural Center.

The smells of war

Smells evoke memories out of the mind, bring forth visions and sounds of times past. Makes us smile, laugh, or cry as the memories raise from their deep hiding places within us. The smell of war never leaves your nose or your mind. It is not just the lingering smell of gunpowder or explosions. More than the stomach turning residue of spilled body fluids mixed with blood after a firefight. For Vietnam veterans something as simple as cooking rice can bring fear. The smell of decay or burning shit can cause your body to break out in an instant sweat. The smell of fear is the the most difficult, yours and other men around you, to forget. The memory covers your body like wet tissue flooding every cell of your body. Twisting your stomach into knots as you relive the reason for the fear.

Lost years

I was talking to a Vietnam veteran about what he felt he had lost serving in Vietnam. Ten years. That one year he felt took ten years out of his life. That was how long he took to catch up to where his life was before he left home. Instead of his children going to school, he felt he should be seeing his grandchildren gong to school. It was more than the lost of the man, it was the lost of future possibilities. Ten years out of a life narrows the number of choices. Those years can not be replaced, they are lost forever. The other sad fact, he felt that very little in those ten years had meaning that last beyond them. He felt he was living in a fog during those times, swirling events pulling and pushing memories in and out of his head. That was the effect of surviving combat, defining who you were in your mind for years afterwards. Filling you with lingering doubts of what was real. Retaining the memories of what you had to endure to survive, delaying what you were living for.

"Lost Survivor" National Release September 2006

31 days. The month of August. September national release of "Lost Survivor". You will be able to order book at any book store and most on-line book web sites. The excitement is building. It has been a long time coming. Started after I returned from Vietnam. the desire to share the true experience of surival in a combat zone. About what you have to give up to survive is what you need to live back home. The scar tissue never completely covers the wounds in your soul and it doesn't seem to heal. You carry the pain deep inside until it becomes one with you. The book is pubished. For some it has become a journey of healing, for others the ripping off of scar tissue laying open their wounds.

Old Veterans/Young Soldiers

This past weekend I went to a pig roast at a friend's house. He is a Vietnam veteran with Purple Heart and Silver Star. I consider him a brother. There was great food and lots of drinks. But what make it special was the mixture of old vetnam veterans and young National Guard soldiers. We old guys shared the experiences of survival with laughed and drinks. Rememberances of days past when we were young and crazy. Events only shared with someone who has been through it. Has walked the walk. The young men and women in the National Guard listen, mostly quietly, with a question here and there. A few didn't see how we (the old guys) lived through our war experiences, the constant killing, the constant dying, the unknown, the always present stress of survival. In many cases we didn't know how we did. The only thing for sure we knew was that some how we did.

Watching the young folks energy playing games, laughing at their own silliness gave a glow to my heart. reenforced the appreication of survivial, and like our parents realization its our kids who go to war.

Father's Day 2006

Father's day 2006, I'm up at 6 am as I am everyday. Coffee, looking outside my kitchen window at the birds begin their day. It rained yesterday, the gound is soft under the trees and robins peck at it looking for breakfast. It's a quiet time. I think about being a father and what that means to me, to my two daughters, and two sons. Life passed on from my father which I gave to them. Which they have passed on to my six grandkids. A good life? Sometimes. Most of the time struggle, hopes and prayers. A real life that gives cause to get up in the morning, have a day and look for tomorrows.

Cussing is an adjustment being home

I have had Vietnam veterans call me and share their experiences similar to some of the events in the book. A common event, which they would be laughing about, how they came home and would slip into Nam talk. It usually happens like this. You are back home and your family puts on a big dinner for you. Your mother, father, sister, brother and most of the time elderly family members and church folks like your minister are sitting around the table. Everyone is happy you're home. The food is good and plentiful. The conversation is mostly about you when you were younger and how good you were as a kid. You feel good. You ask someone to past the fucking butter. Conversation stops. The room get quiet. You look around and everyone is staring at you. It takes a few moments before you realize why. In Nam cussing was part of your normal conversation, but at home you didn't cuss, especially during dinner with guests.

The first editor I worked with on the "Lost Survivor" manuscript told me there was too much cussing in it. I laughed and asked her what words would she use when being shot at. She didn't have an answer.

When bullets fly over and around your head everyone cusses no matter how mannerable your speech when you were at home. The more times it happens, the more cuss words you use. When it is a daily event cussing becomes a normal expression of your everyday speech. In Nam you don't notice it since everyone around you is cussing. It is another adjustment coming home.