Cussing is an adjustment being home

I have had Vietnam veterans call me and share their experiences similar to some of the events in the book. A common event, which they would be laughing about, how they came home and would slip into Nam talk. It usually happens like this. You are back home and your family puts on a big dinner for you. Your mother, father, sister, brother and most of the time elderly family members and church folks like your minister are sitting around the table. Everyone is happy you're home. The food is good and plentiful. The conversation is mostly about you when you were younger and how good you were as a kid. You feel good. You ask someone to past the fucking butter. Conversation stops. The room get quiet. You look around and everyone is staring at you. It takes a few moments before you realize why. In Nam cussing was part of your normal conversation, but at home you didn't cuss, especially during dinner with guests.

The first editor I worked with on the "Lost Survivor" manuscript told me there was too much cussing in it. I laughed and asked her what words would she use when being shot at. She didn't have an answer.

When bullets fly over and around your head everyone cusses no matter how mannerable your speech when you were at home. The more times it happens, the more cuss words you use. When it is a daily event cussing becomes a normal expression of your everyday speech. In Nam you don't notice it since everyone around you is cussing. It is another adjustment coming home.

Sharing the fear

I spoke to an American Legion post meeting last week about my book "Lost Survivor" and my experiences that the book was based on. Writing a book that people will read by themselves is one thing, sharing the experiences, emotions and thoughts with a group is another thing. Standing in front of people opening your soul is truly being naked in a crowd. Showing your blemishs, your weaknesses, sharing your fears and admiting your flaws. In some ways it is frightening putting yourself back into the frame of mind that you had to have to survive. When the insanity of war was accepted as a normal day. Yet, looking back to those days and being able to share the fear helps me appreciate the difference of my life today. It helped heal some of the wounds that were cut into my soul.

Forever pain

I have had quite a few people ask me how much of the book "Lost Survivor" reflect my personal experiences. I have directly or indirectly experienced the activities in the book. The patrols are based on my experiences in Vietnam and the emotions and thoughts when I returned home. In fact, every time I have a conversation with a veteran or a family member of a veteran about their experiences during the Vietnam war, it forces me to feel the terror and fear again. It also helps my internal healing process remove the brutal and violent actions I did to survive from the darkness of my soul. Like all survivors of war, I did what I had to do to survive and come home.

Readers and non-readers

There are so many types of writing. Writing a novel is long distance writing, writing to blog is short quick steps. I have been writing to blog like a short story which is shorter than novel writing but much more than needed for blog writing. So, with the new year I will be working on writing to blog.

Novel writers love readers. With the "Lost Survivor" book I have had some interesting interaction with non-readers. People who say they don't read books. During one of my book signing a couple came from a town twenty miles away. They were old friends. He told me he didn't read books, just newspapers, but because his wife want the book he would try to read it. He called the next day after he had been up all night reading the book. Another couple bought the book at a book signing, he was not a book reader, she sent my wife an email that she was reading the book and making comments out loud. Her husband took the book and disappeared into the bathroom for most of the day. I guess it shows that writers can love non-readers that read their book.